Sep
6
Alzheimer's and Dementia
Sep 2011
By Margaret Hunt
There was a workshop held recently in James Bay entitled "Giving Families Strength When Dealing With Dementia." I was not able to attend it, but I do have years of experience with these ailments, having been a live-in caregiver for many years, both in California and Victoria/Sidney. If you want to find more information on these conditions, it is best to contact Christin Hillary, Greater Victoria Support and Education Coordinator for the Alzheimer Society of B.C. at 250-382-2052 or at chillary@alzheimerbc.org .
For myself, who had a mother, stepmother, and many clients with this problem, I applaud all of you who are caught up in the web of threads that have begun to unravel in the minds of those who are suffering with confusion, anger, and frustration. There are many tender moments in these times, if one can only bear with it. For instance, my mother was insistent on finding out when Midnight Mass was, so she called and called the church. She was very confused because she kept getting an answering machine instead of a person. After about 15 minutes, she came into the living room and proudly announced: "It starts at midnight!"
My dad didn't understand why things had to be repeated to her. I told him that it was because whenever she heard anything, it was the first time she had heard it. She couldn't remember anything, so I thought I would try a childhood game called "I spy with my little eye, something that is..." (whatever colour you could think of). Believe it or not, she kept looking around the room for something that colour. She had remembered the colour!!
I felt as if I had won the lottery.
There will be times your loved one will be the one to comfort you. Out of years of babble or confusion, you may even hear a very clear, "I love you." I often think that the brain that has been worn down by Alzheimer's or dementia is reminiscent of a train that has left the track and gone down a side track to the left, a side track that was never finished. The train does not know how to go back to where it was. It cannot go forward; it cannot go backward. But the engine keeps running.
Be patient - your loved one is trying to find his/her way back, with respect to thoughts, food, trying to escape; or simple things such as hygiene, bedtimes, daytimes, packing/unpacking; trying to figure things out. They rarely do. But wait for the moments when they do.
With one client, I had to remove the electrical plugs for the stove, so I did, for her safety and mine. She wanted to warm milk for her cat, so she put a saucer of milk on top of the toaster, and pressed the lever down to heat it up. Needless to say, when she left the kitchen, that toaster was quickly removed to another room with a lock.
But most of all, please take care of yourself. I cannot emphasize this enough. Spoil yourself on your breaks, and stay in contact with your friends or other people going through the same thing. Be gentle and understanding with compassion, knowing that one day it could be you in need of it. And be even kinder to yourself when you can't feel those emotions. Both of you are struggling.