Shopping Madness

Mar 2017

By Louise Froggett

I guess, instinctively, I knew it would eventually come to a crunch. There would be one thing too many and the issue would have to be addressed because there would be no place left to hide. Well, we have arrived at that point.

It’s usually a trip to the grocery store, or perhaps the pharmacy, that does us in. The item is on sale and we know we’ll use it (eventually) so we buy it/them/a few (just in case) and then when we get them home…crisis. We go from, “Wow, these were on sale.” to, “Ok, where do we stash these so we’ll remember we actually have them?”

So, in a moment of madness, I took everything out of the lower kitchen cupboards to see what was actually lurking down there. There was stuff on the counter and strewn across the floor. This is where I try to blame my dear husband, our chef, for the quantities we have amassed. Well, ok, the three bags of potato chips are my fault and the five boxes of cereal, but I’m sure the rest is his.

Eight tins of soup (we hardly ever use tinned soup), four jars of olives (ok, we forgot two of them were there), five bags of cereal (his cereal, his fault), three tins of peach slices (reasonable), three large tins of crushed tomatoes (sort of reasonable), six bags of coffee, one big box and 12 little tins of various teas (we need to invite a lot of thirsty people). And nine liters of olive oil. Nine. Oh boy, that could be trouble because this stuff expires. (Our friend “M” said we could open a restaurant.)

Now, greatly dismayed, I figured I should check out what was hiding under the sinks the bathrooms. Three monster packages of bathroom tissue (no comment), 10 toothpaste (good sale…this stuff is expensive), 15 boxes of facial tissue (another good sale), five various deodorants (not good, these expire too), six containers of eyeglass cleaner (the obsessive optometrist’s fault), 12 containers of dental floss (the obsessive dentist’s fault), one BIG box of Q-Tips (half empty) inherited from my father-in-law 18 years ago.

Well, I was on a roll, so I huffed over to the hall closet to peruse the shelves above the vacuum and the mop. Three big bottles of laundry detergent, five various spray cleaners, two bottles of dish detergent, three boxes of dishwasher pod thingies, and three boxes of duster head replacements. By now, I had lost any ability to determine what was reasonable, and what was certifiable.

So, in the end, I have now reorganized our wonderful collection of too much stuff. I have belatedly made a New Year’s resolution to always have a list when I go to the offending stores. And I shall keep a running inventory in my clever little brain so that I know what is reasonable, and what is certifiable. No comment.