Constructive Living

By Ken Steele

Whenever I don't feel like doing what I know I should be doing, I give myself a mental kick in the pants by going back to the writings of David K. Reynolds (A Handbook for Constructive Living, Rainbow Rising from a Stream, Pools of Lodging for the Moon, Thirsty Swimming in the Lake, Playing Ball on Running Water, Water Bears No Scars, and many others). Invariably, I then get on with doing what needs to be done.

Basically, there are two components to constructive living: the first is the action component; the second the appreciation component.

The action component reasons that we can't directly control our feelings, but we can control our behavior. Not many people, for instance, "feel like" cleaning the toilet bowl; but we can do so despite our feelings and then, at least, we have a clean toilet bowl. Paradoxically by proceeding to take action, whether we feel like it or not, it is not unusual to also bring about a change in our feelings. If we look about, there are frequently and readily observable things that need doing. Reynold's advice is to do them! I sometimes refer to his teachings as a to-do list with a no whining option.

The appreciation component is more contemplative in nature. The idea here is to think of all those who have done things for us - all those we have inconvenienced - to list them and then to itemize in what ways we have inconvenienced others. The sequel is to point out, in detailed specifics, how we have paid back those who have done things for us. If carried out honestly, and in sufficient detail, most people discover that more has been done for them than they can ever repay; this leads to deep gratitude.

Reynold's writings are particularly motivating to those experiencing feelings of failure, shyness, depression, fear, stress, grief, lack of energy, pain, illness, or troubled relationships - in other words, all of us, at some time or another. Constructive living is definitely not a feel-good therapy, but rather a practical directive on how to lead a meaningful life, despite our feelings.