Jul
4
By trudy chiswell
“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” Victor Hugo
Life with a teenager is like a chess game; you are constantly trying to out-manoeuver the opponent. Every move must be met with a counter move. The game can be challenging or frustrating, depending on your outlook. Discovering humour in a situation can be the balancing agent, when you are the parent of a teenager.
The art of active listening, for instance, can at times be very difficult to achieve. This is especially true if the other individual happens to be a teenager who is not in the mood to have a conversation! A simple question such as, “How was your day?” can be met with a one syllable word or a grunt. However, if you are undaunted by this response, you can always try again the next day.
After giving Sarah, my daughter, a little time to unwind after school one day, I came armed with a cookie to again approach the topic of communication. Knowing your opponent’s weakness is a definite advantage! I sat down opposite her at the table with a trusty coffee for me and a cookie for Sarah. I put my listening ears on, hoping that my posture said I was all hers for the next few minutes. To my surprise and enjoyment, Sarah was more than eager to share her trials and joys of the day. I was able to practise my active listening skills. This was obviously an “up” day!
There were many long quiet rides home before I discovered that Sarah needed re-entry time before interaction. Like most of us, she also wanted to unwind at the end of the day. Taking the time to sit down with her for a few minutes appeared to be the magic key that unlocked her desire for active communication. Perhaps she felt I wasn’t really listening unless we were siting eyeball to eyeball. Life is busy these days! Everyone rushes from one activity to the next. It takes commitment to focus and actively listen. After all, these teenagers are the future leaders who will govern the world when we are old. Taking time to listen is worth the effort!
When Sarah was 15 she suddenly developed a sense of how I should dress at work. Some mornings she would fix my collar and jokingly say, “Am I always going to have to dress you in the morning?” It was a confusing role change. On the one hand I was the parent of two adult children who were beginning to think that I had suddenly started getting smarter and a 15 year old who took great delight explaining the finer points of life to her mother. This could be a stressful time of my life!
This brought back memories of my thoughts as a teenager. I was convinced my parents were so old they must remember the horse and buggy days and their intelligence was a little lacking. As I got older, I was astounded to discover they had suddenly become wiser. Now, I have come full circle! Today I have to deal with the same problems I probably created for my own parents when I was a teenager.
I have discovered that the secret of surviving the teen years is learning to laugh at the antics of yourself and your teen. Remember when you were a teen! This ability to laugh at the antics of your teenager is extremely frustrating to them, especially when they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Take one step back and you will be surprised at what you see!
One rather stressful incident with Sarah’s ever messy room became a standing joke for a long time in our home. Tired of nagging every week, I decided a new strategy was called for. After Sarah had gone off to school, just before I left for work, I entered the offending room with caution! Who knows what might jump out from under a pile of dirty clothes! Carefully, I began hanging up everything that was on the floor. I hung dirty clothes from the ceiling swag light, over curtain rods, book shelves, bed posts, closet doors, or whatever took my fancy that day. Whatever was left over from my creative mood would end up in a pile just inside the door, where the occupant would trip over them on entry. Now this manoeuvre must be executed with extreme creativity. The next trick is to close the door of the offending room and use self-control to keep quiet!
Sarah was usually the first one home and so I got through dinner before I remembered my morning creativity. Casually sauntering down the hall, I took a quick peek into the offending room while Sarah was busy elsewhere. Like magic, all my creative decorations had been put away. Quietly, I closed the door.
I’m not very good at keeping the fun to myself, and so eventually I asked Sarah if she had liked my creative decorating. She also took delight in the new game and answered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Score one for the opposing team! At times your manoeuvres in this game of chess might be outsmarted. However, looking at the humorous side of life takes much of the pain out of raising teenagers. Laughing is also said to be an excellent stress management tool.
Many times you just have to sit back and be an observer and listener to experience the comedy of living with teenagers. It can either be the most stressful time of your life or you can choose humour to lighten the stress. Perhaps all parents, who are accumulating more grey hairs than laugh lines, should stop and become observers of their teenager for a day. They may be delightfully surprised that they don’t need to watch a TV comedy. They are living one!